I Have Bipolar Disorder ~~Poetry~~

I Have Bipolar Disorder ~~Poetry~~

~ I’m sick of hiding, so I speak in poetry~

Hello, my poetry friends! 

Hello, to you, and I hope you are doing well! Thanks for visiting my poetry blog-  I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to share a moment with me. 🙂

Poetry has become such a part of me that I go back to it even if I don’t want to. Poetry can be found in anything, so I better get used to it! 

Today’s poem is about my struggle with Bipolar Disorder, and how I have been treated by some. After I get all of this junk out of my mind I can start healing more rapidly.

Right now is the time of purging my emotions, and it’s not very pretty. The cool thing about poetry is that it can make even the unattractive look beautiful. I love poetry! 🙂

I Have Bipolar Disorder   ~~Poetry~~
~I’m sick of hiding, so I speak in poetry~

I have Bipolar Disorder and 
what that partially means
is that I experience
sudden mood swings
that seem to appear out of nowhere

I made the mistake of consoling myself
with material things
mainly fragrant things
like soaps and candles
but I don’t want ever to burn them
they’re too pretty for that

am I a soap hoarder?
I hope I am 

I’m perpetually battling
against depression
and balancing my way between
mania and normalcy
and always joking in between

I rock back and forth
when I’m all by myself
it’s calming and
it really helps

for me
absorbing love
is difficult
but easier to give

not like they say
that you first need
to love yourself
I don’t think it’s true

or like abusers
who themselves were abused 
I can’t understand it
why leave someone’s soul bruised?

I know the sorrow of abuse
but never became an abuser

if anything, I remained a victim
amidst those who should’ve loved me

I’m still actualizing how to be
a survivor instead

next, I’ll become a warrior
and then go from there

I do plan on healing someday
even though Bipolar Disorder
doesn’t go away

I can make my life worth living
and live out the rest of my days
by practicing forgiveness
and maintaining my peace

I have Bipolar Disorder
and if you judge me for it
all I can say is
I hope somehow it’s worth it
for both of us

because of your judgement, I can learn
how not to be
you teach me this by doing things
that I could never do
to someone who I claimed to love

I know; it’s over now
but years will follow
and the ripples will flow

this tragedy happened
and not even forgiveness
can erase the destruction

and you wonder why I stay away?

look at the past and see what’s happened
see how you all made it so hard
for me just to be me

I remember…

I remember the day they threw in my face that they thought I had Bipolar Disorder. I was already taking medication for the illness, so I didn’t see why I needed an official diagnosis.

The way she said it sounded like I had leprosy, and the way they all treated me afterwards matched the narrative. They bullied me and made me feel like I shouldn’t exist.

 
Are they glad I left?

Deep down, I wonder if they are glad I left. It didn’t take long for one of them to belittle me somehow or outright tell me off. 

It broke my heart at the time, and I didn’t understand it, but thankfully I have realized something. I don’t need to understand their behavior.

For all I know, it wouldn’t make sense even if I knew why they treated me so badly.

What I can do is move on, and even though it may seem like I have a lot of issues in my writing, I leave it there.

My pain can fill a page as it empties out of my brain. I feel lighter, more complete, and things make more sense. 

I need to take care of my mental health

Some may wonder how I can cut people out of my life the way I do, but it’s not for bad intentions. I need to think of my mental health and can’t bend down to others who mistreat me, just because I am supposed to love them.

I can love them and wish them well from a distance.

How about you?

How about you? Do you have people in your life that you can’t be around for your own mental health’s sake? If so, I feel your pain and am suffering along with you. If you ever need an ear, I’m here! 🙂

You are not alone! ♥♥♥

Thanks for reading! Until next time, stay safe, and be blessed! 🙂