Getting Rid of Toxic People and Gaining Peace in the Process
~ peace is a process; therein lies the journey~
Photo by Rodolfo Sanches Carvalho on Unsplash
Time to clean house
It’s time to get rid of toxic people! It’s a tricky subject, but getting rid of toxic people seems to be in style because people are catching on. The world has become a broken place, and I have recently cleaned up some of my friend lists and filtered out my phone. Sometimes less truly is more.
I do not feel any hatred toward these people; I needed a more simple life. It’s like clearing out the cobwebs- anything holding us back must be swept away and dusted. Dusting is one of my most dreaded chores, and it’s the same when dealing with people; I dread it. It’s a painful process, but sometimes it needs to be done. I would love it if my list were only temporary; time will tell.
How do you know when someone is too toxic?
I watch a lot of the show “Dr Phil,” and I have come to like his definition of what is normal. He says, “Something is normal if it does not interfere with healthy functioning and pursuit of goals.” To sum up what he says, if something gets in the way of your daily functioning, it’s time to take a closer look at it to see if things need an evaluation. In the same way, if someone’s behavior is impacting your life in such a negative way that it affects your quality of life, it might be time to take a break from that person.
Red flags!!!
One of the first examples of a potentially toxic person is if someone leaves you more exhausted and stressed by interacting with them (what I call a mind-suck) than before. You might need a mini-vacation from them before it gets worse. Some people treat friendship more like a therapy session; if it’s too much, take a break!
I found that when I’ve had significant issues with people, a huge red flag I should have paid attention to was my inability to sleep after the incident. In the future, if anyone makes me lose sleep, they are automatically going on my toxicity list. I value my sleep, and bad things happen if I don’t get it.
Another red flag is the flow of the relationship. If there are more fights than civil conversations, it’s time for a reprieve. Conflict clouds the soul, and unresolved issues can give you a stroke. If someone does not want to get along, they can act that way with other negative people- far away from me!
No more fighting for me!
My fighting days are over. I used to love a good argument, where I could get a chance to use my wit, cutting them like thorns with my clever words. My heart has softened since (Thank you, Jesus!), and I no longer wish to make people feel as bad as they are trying to make me feel. I don’t need to subject myself to anyone being abusive in any form. Could I be maturing? I wouldn’t go that far…! 😉
Having personal responsibility
There are many red flags to look out for when identifying a toxic relationship. It’s up to you to show people how to treat you. I no longer tolerate abuse, and neither should you.
We don’t deserve to be someone else’s stress reliever because they haven’t figured out how to release their emotions healthily. I realized that certain friends only had me around for kicks. They enjoyed making fun of me and playing pranks on me, and they ridiculed me and made me not want any friends. I no longer chase after people like that, but it’s taken me a long time to get to this point. I would rather spend most of my time alone than be around people sucking out my soul.
I believe in forgiveness
I am not judgmental or unforgiving. I freely forgive for my sake, and I know the formula of forgiveness. It’s the only way to be free. I cannot change the toxic people in my life, but I can protect myself from them.
Healing after the abuse
Thankfully, healing begins the moment we remove ourselves away from toxic people. It’s hard to sever ties, but the weight starts to lift once you make the decision. Once you expose the wound, you can address what needs healing. Prayer helps, as well as working on your inner dialogue. Of course, seeing a professional would be the best idea, but not everyone has access to a therapist, so I want to discuss other avenues.
There are many resources all over the internet to help us learn how to set boundaries, goals, hopes and dreams. When I was in therapy, I had a set of goals and then worked to accomplish them. Right now, my goal is to have a simple, peaceful life. After letting go of the toxic people in my life, I feel more hopeful about accomplishing that.
Grieving is part of the healing process
Something to note is that before healing can happen, we must go through a grieving process. Many of us have spent years trying to make things work. It seems like we’ve wasted years if we give up, but we don’t have to look at it as giving up. Instead, we can look at it as making progress within our own lives and practicing self-care. If we don’t take care of our mental health and well-being, who will? We need to be proactive to live a healthy, stable life.
Be gentle with yourself
As you begin to heal, you need to be gentle with yourself and take things slowly. Don’t overwhelm yourself with doing too much at once. Try to practice doing things in moderation and having more balance. Before you know it, things will start to calm down, and peace can be a reality. Of course, it’s a journey, and you need to treat it like a garden- weeding out negativity and watering it with self-love. Before you know it, your life will be more peaceful, and that’s where the sunshine comes in. Your mind will have more room for all the good things life offers.
I’ll leave you with this saying, “To have peace, you must choose to release.” I just made that up, and I like it!
~Thanks for reading!~