Photo by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash
I have been through a living nightmare, as of late. I just got out of the psych ward very recently. I can’t get into the whole thing at the moment, and it’s hard to swallow what really happened. I went from thinking I no longer had Bipolar 1, and just had Autism, ADHD, and complex PTSD, under a Drs care. An NP took me off of all my medications except for one, and I was fine for a few months.
The nightmare started when I went to the ER because I was having trouble breathing. The ER gave me 50 mg of Prednisone, and it caused a manic episode. I tried to reach out to 2 doctors for help. One Dr was very rude and did not help me. She didn’t suggest I stop using Prednisone.
I then went to another Dr, or so-called Dr, and she put me on Adderall, alongside my mania. I am still shocked she would do this to me! How could Adderall be good when you are already manic? Looking back, I don’t know what to think about any of these doctors. I am calling them doctors now, but they are truly Nurse Practitioners. I have had the worst experiences with this type of care.
I turned in the Nurse Practitioner who gave me Adderall during my mania but I need to look at turning in the other NP in a few days. The destruction caused by this episode is still unfathomable because the destruction continues as I lose myself within this mess.
I am now homeless, but my mom has been gracious to let me stay with her and my family for the time being. We were estranged for 5 years, but I am letting everything go back into a secret mental drawer, I won’t open it again if I can help it!
I don’t know what is ahead of me but will rely on God to sustain me. He is always good, no matter what I am going through. Things could be so much worse than they are, and I need to remember this!!!
I don’t even know if anyone reads this blog anymore because I have been so inconsistent with it. I have been through a lot, and have a lot more to deal with, so I thought I would try to start updating this blog more frequently.
I don’t have any real-life friends, except for my family, and that is enough for now, because I thought I had lost that chance, but they are welcoming me back with open arms (Most of them anyway!).
I am not going to try and make this a perfect entry, and do not want to fuss over it beyond what I can handle. For now, I know I am struggling and know too that there is a light at the end of this mess!
If you can relate to this in any way, I am truly sorry. It’s hard enough to try and navigate this world while having Autism and ADHD. To add bipolar 1, with psychosis, it makes it even more wild. I don’t know if I should blame my teenage drug use for this, or my destruction of 2020, but no matter where it came from, my brain has suffered from frying it!!!
If you learn anything from this message— if you’re on medication, don’t just trust any Nurse Practitioner with your care! My NP ended up being a total scam, and if I have anything to do with it, she won’t practice medicine anymore!
That’s all for now, and I hope you are all well! Thank you for reading!
May God bless you!
Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash