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Trying to transition from psych ward life back into a displaced situation that feels like chaos in my mind. Don’t worry, just eat another protein bar… I am very grateful to have a family that will take me in and shuffle me around. I always wondered if this day would come. Now that it’s here, I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, but anticipating a new life. Honesty is unavoidable in my autistic brain.
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I have had to start over from scratch too many times. I have lost so many of my life’s belongings, whether it be through a tragedy, like my house fire, or suddenly being homeless with nothing to show for my life.
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That’s not true though, because I have two amazing children out there in the world. They are wonderful reminders of God’s goodness! Though I cannot see them very often, knowing they are happy and healthy helps me to still be. I am hanging in there, as they say, and feel as though I am still hiding under rocks, dodging the sun like a lizard under the cracks of the pavement.
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I know I am more valuable than a lizard, and need to remind myself that I am precious to God, because He created me for a reason. Even though my kids are now supposed to be treated as if they are adults, I still hope they need their Mama at least sometimes!
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Again, only time will tell, but I can pray for reunification. I can pray for financial blessings. I can pray for strength!!! I need to be calmer within my existence or I feel I push others away on accident and on purpose. I resign myself to my insecurities as they become boundaries and motes between me and the rest of the world.
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I think of things very sporadically, and then they are gone from my mind until the next time. Until the next time…
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Until next time, stay safe, and be blessed! 🙏🙏🙏
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