Hello, my Poetry and Writing Friends!
Today’s blog is a little different. I had a really bad panic attack, so I thought I would write about it. If you struggle with panic attacks, I truly feel your pain.
I Had A Panic Attack Today And Couldn’t Leave My Bedroom
I am trying to look at it as a small setback
This morning I woke up in the middle of a nightmare and fell straight into a panic attack. Butterflies felt like they were trying to erupt from my stomach, and I was scared to leave my bedroom.
I am going through a medication change, and today I had a setback. When this happens, I want to yell doom and gloom from the mountaintops of Idaho because I am so scared I will be “back there” again. When I used to have daily panic attacks, it felt like a slow death, but now when I have one, my body and mind aren’t as used to them, so they feel even more intense.
During a panic attack, it’s hard for me to see the end. Everywhere I grasp feels unsafe. A phone call sounds like a distant echo, trying to reach that part of my mind that still might be there to listen.
It takes over my entire body. If I don’t control my muscles, my whole body wants to writhe in chaos. I try to stay still because any movement can send another adrenaline rush shooting through my body.
My panic attack made me feel like a failure. My writing routine fell through the floor, and yes, it was only one day, but in my head, one day had already turned into two, and suddenly (in my head)I was in bed for another year, afraid of the world; I don’t want that to happen again.
Even writing this makes me feel stronger and gives me more hope. I can’t be the only one who experiences these frightening panic attacks, and It’s not going to do me any good to feel sorry for myself.
Someone told me today that panic attacks don’t mean I lack intelligence; I hope to hold onto this statement.
Overall, I am embarrassed that I am a grown adult that still has panic attacks and gets scared to leave my bedroom.
Most days, I imagine my life away and write away my pain. I can become anyone I want to while writing and heal myself within it.
Writing brings me a sense of peace.
If you made it this far, I want to thank you for reading. Also, If you struggle with panic attacks, I feel your pain and want you to know that you are not alone!
If you ever need a friend, please reach out to me at Abstractstarr777@gmail.com.
~Thanks for reading, and until next time, stay safe, and be blessed!~ 🙂