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I used to fear getting forced injections at the psych ward, until they no longer scared me. They forcefully injected me 3 times during my last visit, and then they gave up.
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One night, after yelling at the staff, I started asking for the forced injections. A huge security guard came up to me, and I asked if I would be injected. Instead, he handed me a journal to write in. I was so shocked! He even said, “You’re fine!”
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If a patient wants the injections, do they no longer want to give them? Or maybe because the injections didn’t work. At one point, after getting them, I yelled, “You just gave me my juice!” I felt so powerful I wanted to roar like a lion! I overturned the table and all of the chairs. I moved my bed out from where it was. I turned on the shower because I knew it would overflow outside the bathroom. I became very naughty. I guess they wanted to avoid that from happening again. I gave them a lot of trouble with my reckless, psychotic behavior!
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Looking back at myself during psychosis, I see the biggest difference being I lacked my usual anxiety and fear. I didn’t care what others thought and didn’t know how to be a quiet person. Every thought had to come out aloud.
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I also thought I was on a mission. One after the other. At one point, I thought it was my job to encourage everyone there to put God first, and then take their medication. I made it into a rhyme and loudly proclaimed it to everyone who would listen. I didn’t realize it wasn’t my job to save everyone at the psych ward from themselves.
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I derailed my own train and ended up having to go to civil court proceedings. I could have ended up in the state hospital. What a nightmare it was!
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I am so glad to be free, but now a part of me is still jailed. I have become a prisoner inside of myself because my anxiety returned like wildfire. Now I take medication three times a day and it still hasn’t been enough. I just added Paxil to the protocol and I am hopeful.
Image by Franz Bachinger from Pixabay
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I’ve been praying every day for help with my anxiety, and am weeding out the negativity, and no longer watching true crime tv. I have to be careful with how much news I consume as well. Now I’m listening to old hymns and Bible verses. I am praying for peace in my life, and throughout the world.
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Every day is a new challenge, but also a new opportunity to be grateful. God is good, and if we draw near to him, the Bible says He will draw near to us.
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James 4:8
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
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During this current trial, I still have so much to be grateful for. I celebrate Jesus, my King, and my God. He alone is worthy of all praise. Evidence of his majesty is written in the sky, or even in our own physical eyes. The eye is an amazing, complex feature that God, alone, designed. May we marvel at His creation, and may we cling to Jesus, as our one and only Savior! Embrace Him like a deer searches for water!
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I love this old hymn:
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Martin Nystrom, 1984
Based on Psalm 42
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Verse 1
As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after Thee
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship Thee
You alone are my Strength, my Shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship Thee.
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Until next time, stay safe, and be blessed!🙏🙏🙏
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