Absent Self

Absent Self

Thoughts racing out of control

You want to know the problem

I don’t want to hurt you

I don’t want to cry

I don’t want you to cry

Sometimes I want to leave

Run away from here

But what if it is a mistake for me

And what if it is too late for me

And what if it is you

 That I really need

What if I lose you forever

How would I feel

Do I really love you

Do I really need you

I wish my mind would connect

To my actual feelings

I am so used to running from emotions

Putting on happy faces 

Losing track of myself

I’m somewhere in there I guess

What do I know anyway

Why can’t I just walk away

And know for sure

That someday I will heal

Could I live without you

I don’t know if I want to

I need help

And I need prayer

And I need time

Time to think

Time to be

Time to find

Myself again